What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
