Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just cropdusted the office
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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