well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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