Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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