once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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