I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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