mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
