But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
