Whod you bang
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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