I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
