You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
