i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
