Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
