just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize