You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
