dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you inspire me to be a worse person
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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