i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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