i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
