that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
