it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
