If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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