just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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