Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
