Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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