can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
