Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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