Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
