guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
