Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
