I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
