evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
