Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
