I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
