I think I died a long time ago.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
