just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
