Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
