the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize