You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
