apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
