He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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