She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
