I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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