You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
