My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
