Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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