this boner is exhausting
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
