Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
