I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The best revenge is premature balding
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
