Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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