walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
