now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I love having hate sex.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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