I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
