This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
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i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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