where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
