i need an iv and a liver transplant
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
