I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
