I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
