I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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