I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
