A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
