girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
