Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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